[poncho-mike]

My neighbor is a chemical engineer. He was having issues with his riding lawn mower at the beginning of the season. It started with a dead battery, the engine would turn over after replacing the battery but wouldn't start. I asked him if he had installed the battery wires correctly, he said he did. I went over, and immediately saw the red wire on negative and the black wire on positive. I told him it was wired wrong, the red wire went to positive. It turns out there are two types of lawn mower batteries, the main difference is whether the positive terminal is on the right or left.

Many years ago, I saw a black 78 Trans Am with a for sale sign in the window in the small town where I lived. I looked at it, the sign said "Noise in motor" and the price was cheap. I started talking to the owner, it turns out it was his teenage son's car. When he fired it up, the noise was obvious: it was a rod knock. The guy's son came out while I was there, and I asked him how long the engine had been knocking. He said he drove it for a few days with it making some noise before it got bad.

I just about lost it with the next sentence. He said "It was leaking oil, but I figured out it didn't leak as much if I didn't put any in it." His dad just rolled his eyes and shook his head.