PY Online Forums - Bringing the Pontiac Hobby Together

I grew up in an American neighborhood that was defined - in part - by each family's car brand allegiance. There was a Ford family defined by a selection of Mustangs and the Country Squire wagon, a couple Chevrolet families with Chevelles, a family dedicated to the Mazda RX-2 (all race-ready), and my friends Ken and RJ who were Pontiac-Olds-Buick. Mainly Pontiac.

And then there were the Westlands, who were the neighborhood's Mopar family, and the crown jewell was Mr. Westland's 1969 Hemi Road Runner. It was a pure legend, because no one - at least no one my age - had ever actually seen it run.

Oh yes, we would see the Hemi parked in the Westland's garage, covered with dust and boxes. Claims varied from "mid-10s" to "low 12s", but what mattered was that every single conversation about speed was benchmarked against that Hemi Roadrunner. No matter what you were running, it was never good enough. It wa a given. Should the Westands ever decide to re-affirm ther dominance of all performance, all they would need do was bring out the Roadrunner and "the King" would hold court...something along those lines. Pure legend!

One day in the spirng of 1983, my friend Ken and I decided to give his 1969 GTO a super-tune. We were looking for a quicker launch and were testing various initial timing settings and launch techniques, because the GTO was tending to either sit and spin, or bog.

Now Ken's GTO was no shrinking violet. It had a 400ci. engine, cammed with what we called the "428 H.O. cam" which is of course the venerable 068 grind. It also had a re-curved distributor, tri-Y headers, Maremount Turbo mufflers and other enhancements. He'd spent a bit on the engine and transmission and had it "balanced and blueprinted" at a local speed shop.

We also had the benefit of advice from an old guy that lived nearby that was running a fearsome '67 2+2 and a nother old guy that ran a '69 428 Grand Prix. They knew a lot of Pontiac tricks and were happy to share until Ken started beating them at Seattle International Raceway!

Well, we must have been out there tunig that GTO for about 3 hours. Dry hops, burnouts, launch after launch. Running up and down the street. Not even THINKING that someone might get a little upset at all the noise and bad driving...

I was under the hood of Ken's GTO, adjusting the timing when I FELT it. I didn't hear it, I FELT it. I pull out from under the hood to see a tan dust covered Tor Red Plymouth Roadrunner sitting across the end of Ken's driveway. It was struggling to idle. So hard that the fenders were quivering as it went "cahrump..cahrump..cahrump..cahahhrump". I'll never forget the distinct hand prints in the fine dust around the door handle.

Well, there it was: Westand's Hemi. And there was Mr. Westland: extremely pissed off.

He got out, slammed the door and marched up to Ken. The message was: "You f*&ng kids have been up and down this block all f*&ing day! No f*7ing respect..blah blah,...safety...blah blah!!" His face was pink and he was sptitting a little bit as he shouted.

Then came the punchline: "I'm gonna race you, beat you, crush your car and leave the cube in your driveway for your Dad to deal with!!"

Silence.

Except for a nicely idling GTO and a Hemi Roadrunner that had finally found fast idle and was shlatonking away at the end of the driveway. Pahrummpa pahrummpa pahrummpa...

Ken immediately crapped his pants. Finally, he lunged though the GTO's open window saying "No! No! I'm not racing... I'm NOT racing!!" and pulled the keys out as if Mr. Westland would take them and somehow race the GTO by himself. I don't remember what was said next, because I had essentially crapped my pants too.

I do remember Mr. Westland getting back in to his Roadrunner, turning it around in the culdesac, and backing it in to his driveway down the street: eg. "I'm ready if you change your mind". He washed it later on and finally put it away.

Later on, we got older and got to know Mr. Westland and his Hemi Roadrunner a bit better. It was a genuine 12 second car and was stock in appearance only.
Then, many years later - before my wife and I moved to Australia, we were all sitting in a bar talking old times. I said to Kenny: "Man, you should have raced him! We'd just tuned the hell out of the GTO and you would now own a Hemi Roadrunner! THose old Caters would have dried up and bogged!" There - some 14 years later, I could still see the fear in his eyes as he said: "No way man, not the Westland's Hemi!".

Last time I was home from Australia, that lovely '69 Roadrunner, Tor Red with a black vinyl top, was still there in the Westland's garage.:usa2: