We were lucky with my dad. He was in his 80's and taking care of my mom in the large house where we grew up, she had dementia. When he was diagnosed with Parkinsons, he pulled his keys from his pocket and said, "Well I guess it's time to sell the Lincoln and move." All I could do was look to the heavens and say thank you!
My mother-in-law, however, was a different story. She had not driven for 3 years as my father-in-law did all of the driving. When he passed, she wanted to start driving again, in her mid 80's. She argued she could still drive! I said yes you probably can. I asked are your reflexes as fast as they used to be, and she agreed they were not. So, I asked will you be able to react when a young child darts in front of you chasing a ball? Can you live with the consequences? That seemed to sink in and the need to drive disappeared.

To lighten things up ....

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Another thing to consider is by the time some of us get to our 90's we'll just be getting in our self driving car and it will take us anywhere we want to go .. assuming we can remember where we want to go.

My wife was a social worker/case manager. She talked about this often. She would say something like we cant imagine what are parents are going through.They probably grew up with horses for travel then the car evolved. All the years traveling by car is just difficult to give up she would say. Some families if I remember correctly would want her to start the idea of not driving because of health.

Whitey (former Shop Boss at Moldex Crankshaft was getting old.
His son Joe still runs the Moldex Crankshaft business but with less people and more time between crankshaft jobs finished.

That being said Whitey and I used to have discussions about Sky Diving.
He had never done it before.

So Whitey and Joe did a Tantum Jump with experienced Sky Divers.

So Whitey went to heaven with a Jump in the books.

Everyone is posting about taking away driving a vehicle, etc.

Get in the Dam* car/truck WITH THEM and let them drive occasionally.

JMO

Tom V.

Whitey (former Shop Boss at Moldex Crankshaft was getting old.)
His son Joe still runs the Moldex Crankshaft business but with less people and more time between crankshaft jobs finished.

That being said Whitey and I used to have discussions about Sky Diving.
He had never done it before.

So Whitey and Joe did a Tantum Jump with experienced Sky Divers.

So Whitey went to heaven with a Jump in the books.

Everyone is posting about taking away driving a vehicle, etc.

Get in the Dam* car/truck WITH THEM and let them drive occasionally.

JMO (a PRESIDENT of the USA was Tantum Jumping long after people said he was too old.)

Tom V.

Aging parent problems
 

Taking away his car could likely be the start of his demise. Let him be. He’ll know when he’s ready. My mother is 90 and had the same situation. We noticed some small dings from backing up into things and a couple of scratches here and there, scuffed tires. She only drove to the store and hair dresser, etc, no highways or anything like that. So we let her drive. Then one day 2 years ago she said doesn’t want to drive anymore.


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Ah - funny story about Mac McKellar.

In his last years living at the house he started trying to take off in the Grand Prix. Jeff Denison and Mac's daughter would visit and find that he had dented the quarter panel, or hit the garage going in or out.

They would take away his keys, only to find (somehow) he would do it again.

They figured he had spare keys stashed somewhere that only he knew about. They must have taken away about 5 sets before he finally ran out.

K

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Both my parents are in their mid 70's and can drive well. My wife is slowly losing her vision and gave up driving 5 years ago. When it comes time I'll have the tough discussion with my parents. Won't be easy but is what it is.

About 20yrs ago a friend and co-worker had to have the discussion with his father. I told him to take the keys before he killed someone. But he wasn't the assertive time. I think he grew up in the early 60's when the father really ruled the roost with a heavy hand. But the time came when he went to get his car inspected, leaving the service station he ran into a truck with a plow on the front. An employee of the station had to run over, through the window put the car in park and shut the car off. The old man asked why he did that. After that my friend just took the car from his father and the father up until the week he died asked why he took the car away.

Lots of good and helpful responses here, thank you. Considering my mother is about to turn 90 in two weeks, has serious heart issues/dizziness, gets lost entering her residence at assisted living (in a new city), has difficulty operating a cell phone, and hit and injured a bicyclist 60 days ago, our family feels it's time to stop driving. Add macular degeneration to the list. Her age is not our major concern.
And I have ridden as passenger with her. It's not a relaxing experience.

We never took my dad's license away, DMV did.

Dad started showing signs of dementia in his late 70s. I lived 150 miles away, but my brother lived close by and had ridden with him to get gas for something. My brother told me that dad was all over the road and was forgetting how to get home. Dad had previously gone to his cabin in the mountains and gotten lost on the way there. My dad's drivers license was expiring soon. My brother and I talked about it, and decided that my brother would go to the DMV with dad. When it came time, my brother got to the DMV clerk's desk before dad and mouthed "he's dangerous". The lady told dad he needed to take a driving test this time, which he subsequently failed. My mom didn't have a driver's license, so he couldn't get insurance on his vehicles. That effectively ended dad's driving on highways. He still managed to run his 54" cut garden tractor into his motor home and hurt himself.

Dad only lived another 3 - 4 years after that as his dementia worsened. The lawn mower incident was the last time he operated any power equipment.

When we were dealing with my in laws, we blamed the DMV and Insurance company, that way no family member had to be singled out.

Good luck with it, as it can be a difficult conversation

Then certainly don't wait to do it.

Steve, I’ll try to text/call you later

This Post # 14. I would not get any agency involved in case she does decide to drive and something happens. Now she will have that working against her and you will fee like crap. Man up and pick up the keys and family members are now committed to help her out. Just like my wife did for her mother. Not only that, her son was living with his mother and driving the car with no license. Disaster waiting to happen. You have to be responsible to protect them.

Thanks for sharing all the responses, my Mom had to go thought this w my Dad @ 80. He nodded off after he made it into their gated addition. Ended up tracking down the road til their car missed the curve, then up into a wide driveway. Took out the corner masonry of a large home as well as one of the home's big garage doors. Near a decade later, my Mom & Inlaws (all in their early 80's) are driving fine, its just something to stay on top of.

Looking forward to Easter! Spending time with family @ my Moms.

Man up? I'm not asking her permission, I've had her car since the accident in January. I fixed the body and am about to put it up for sale. Read post #1. My siblings and I are having a hard time making her understand it's in her best interest. The last thing we want is for her to feel like we have betrayed her while we are trying to help. And as far as my commitment to to help her out, Vertigto has known for a couple years how this has been unfolding. I have to hand it to him, he has a worse situation than I have, and his mother is very lucky to have him and his wife to help her get through life. Our mothers only have one son each to look out for them.

It's a wonderful thing to have a mom still alive in our later year's.
We lost ours when I was 16, drunk driver slammed into her new Comet
when she was stopped at a light headed to her Nursing job on the night shift.